HMM I GUESS IF I THINK ABOUT IT SOME MORE IT WAS PRETTY STUPID OF ME TO DRESS UP AS PENNYWISE AND JUMP OUTTA OUR CLOSET AND YELL WAKE UP SUNSHINE AT 5AM WHILE YOU WERE DEAD ASLEEP by Shawn Berman

especially when you’ve made it known time after time that you have an irrational
fear of clowns and if you even see one let alone any sorta animal-shaped balloon
your fight or flight mode will immediately activate causing you to lose your shit
no matter where you are. 

i guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise to me when you whipped out your pepper
spray and followed it up with a deadly powerbomb from hell sending me straight
through our shitty ikea nightstand.

still, i just wanna let you know that i’m sorry and that i won’t pull i stunt like that
again but only if you admit that it was pretty rude of you to embarrass me on ig
live in front of all my fans who were watching, including the cashier from my
favorite 16 handles.

two things: not only have you effectively ended my short-lived career as a
comedy influencer, but now i also have to find an alternative spot for
convenience froyo, which is really hard to do in this part of the city, especially
with no car.

what i’m sayin is: you’ll be hearing from our lawyers by monday. mark my words.