Seinfeld by Justin Karcher

Seinfeld / Justin Karcher

I’m scared of

the same thing you are:

modern-day living

Like all these hipster doofuses

uncomfortable at parties

knocking over bookshelves

when they’ve had too much to drink

declaring

at the top of their lungs

“These pretzels are making me

thirsty”

Like wandering through the desert for

40 years

and then the aliens come

so you invite them to coffee

and talk about

humanity’s biggest flaws—

Hand models

breaking apart endangered lobsters

the bisque is to die for

Dingoes eating babies

unemployed pigmen

jumping off buildings

Driverless garbage trucks

roaming the streets

looking for meaningless sex

The panting, the screaming

fake, fake, fake, fake

everyone wants you to fuck up

It’s okay though

I got a great idea for a cologne

“grievance”

sometimes it’s the only thing

getting me out of bed

in the morning

Seinfeld / Justin Karcher

I’m scared of

the same thing you are:

modern-day living

Like all these hipster doofuses

uncomfortable at parties

knocking over bookshelves

when they’ve had too much to drink

declaring

at the top of their lungs

“These pretzels are making me

thirsty”

Like wandering through the desert for

40 years

and then the aliens come

so you invite them to coffee

and talk about

humanity’s biggest flaws—

Hand models

breaking apart endangered lobsters

the bisque is to die for

Dingoes eating babies

unemployed pigmen

jumping off buildings

Driverless garbage trucks

roaming the streets

looking for meaningless sex

The panting, the screaming

fake, fake, fake, fake

everyone wants you to fuck up

It’s okay though

I got a great idea for a cologne

“grievance”

sometimes it’s the only thing

getting me out of bed

in the morning

Justin Karcher (Twitter: @justin_karcher, Instagram: the.man.about.town) is a Best of the Net- and Pushcart-nominated poet and playwright born and raised in Buffalo, NY. He is the author of several books, including Tailgating at the Gates of Hell (Ghost City Press, 2015). He is also the editor of Ghost City Review and co-editor of the anthology My Next Heart: New Buffalo Poetry (BlazeVOX [books], 2017).